Role Model Stories: Erica

I am a 48-year-old lesbian living with HIV. Even so, I decided to have sexual relationships with men because I was afraid of the backlash. At 14, I started a relationship that gave me two children.

The relationship lasted till I was 21. Not long after the breakup I started a new relationship. It was then that I decided to get tested for HIV and STIs. It turned out I was positive. I immediately told my boyfriend, and he told me not to tell anyone. He refused to take a test and we continued to have sex with condoms. He ended the relationship a few months later.

Two years went by, and he contacted me and told me he went for a test and it came back negative. Thinking back to when I got my diagnosis, I was so depressed that I had tried to take my own life. After that, I decided to take charge of my life. I went to the doctor and was prescribed medication.

In 1999 I moved to California and found an organization that helped people that lived with HIV. I worked there until 2002. Due to economic reasons, I had to move back to Georgia. Unfortunately, there were still no organizations that helped people that lived with HIV. In 2006 I moved to Florida where I found an organization called Thap. Unfortunately, I couldn’t stay because I tested positive for marijuana.

Due to spiritual circumstances, I had to move back to Georgia. I stayed in Georgia until 2018. I then received a call from a friend that needed my assistance in New York City. This move was what I needed to make a fresh start. I found another agency that assisted people living with HIV called Brightpoint. While at Brightpoint, I met an outreach worker Diane Tinglin from Alliance of Positive Change who was promoting The Positive Life Workshop (TPLW).

I went for a visit and became part of the Alliance family. I knew Alliance was the place for me. It was there that I became a whole person. A person that was not ashamed of the backlash of my sexuality, my status, and most definitely made me take charge of my life.

After TPLW, I became a Certified Recovery Coach, graduated from PREP and soon after that I became a Peer and completed my courses to become a Certified Peer Worker with the AIDS Institute.

Role Model Stories: Helen

I am a 67-year-old female living with HIV. I didn’t have an easy childhood. I was molested by my stepfather and to ease the pain I started to drink.

A year after that I tried heroin, which wasn't hard to do because my friends also did it. I continued to use because I used to get my drugs for free but that ultimately had a price. I was beaten repeatedly but didn’t care because the drugs always felt good.

At the age of 14— the first time I had sex— I had gotten pregnant, but I was too young to care for another as I was still a child myself. So, I decided to get an abortion. Unfortunately, I was never able to carry again. I continued to use heroin, but as I got older I needed to buy it for myself and couldn’t afford it. That’s when I went to a methadone clinic. That lasted 4 years but I needed my high, so I decided to go to pills. At this point, I didn't care if I lived or died because all I wanted was to get high, so I had no choice.

I started sleeping with men for money and that made me happy though it also turned my life upside down. I was diagnosed with HIV. Even though it was a setback, it also saved my life because I realized that I did want to live. I got myself into a program where I could take back my life.

A friend then introduced me to ASC n/k/a Alliance of Positive Change back in 2008 where I became a Peer intern. That was the greatest thing that could happen to me. I have been so grateful for all my mentors, especially Ramona Cummings. I am also grateful that I can share my story of positive change and inspire others to do the same.

Role Model Stories: Yolanda M.

My name is Yolanda Mitchell and I am 53 years old. I wanted to share my journey of positive change with you. I was raised in what you call a traditional family. I was the only child and had loving parents.

One thing about me is I was a bully. I was always getting in trouble at school and had friends that would allow me to control them. At the age of 14, my mother’s boyfriend attempted to sexually abuse me. I made my mother aware of the situation, and on the second attempt, we beat him up and were arrested.

When I was 18, I decided to leave home to go work at Amserv Home Service as a home health aide where I lived in a rooming house. Not long after that, I met someone and got married. He happened to be a drug dealer even though I never messed with drugs. One day while I was cleaning, I discovered a package and was curious— that is when my addiction started.

My addiction lasted for 14 years. During the time I was using, I was arrested several times which landed me in drug treatment programs and a methadone clinic. After, I knew I wanted and needed a change and that is when I found Alliance in 2014.

Alliance continues to help me with my recovery and getting my life back in order. In 2018 I became a Peer and couldn’t be happier.

Role Model Stories: Ismael R.

I’m a 52 year-old gay man living with HIV. I realized I was gay at the age of 5 but kept it to myself. I have one brother and one sister who I took care of while my mother went to work.  

I had what you would consider a normal childhood until my mother found a letter that a guy had written me. She questioned me and I was honest because I wanted to live an authentic life. When I was 16, she asked me to leave home, and I obliged. I wound up in the streets and found myself at The Covenant House.  

At the age of 17 I became a stripper at the Show Palace in Times Square to make ends meet. While I was dancing my boss hooked me up with a pimp and I started to escort. I continued that for a couple of years and at the age of 20 I met a guy at a Grace Jones concert. I still escorted and danced for 2 years before he found out, and that was when I stopped escorting.  

The relationship lasted for six years until he died of AIDS. I knew I had HIV but was in denial. I didn’t bother to get tested because I didn’t want to know or have to take medication.  

After my partner passed, I was left with nothing. I was severely depressed and went from house to house and eventually I tried to commit suicide. That left me at the hospital where I finally took an HIV Test and learned my truth.

After that, I started selling drugs and moved to Boston with a friend. That only lasted a year because I couldn’t be my true authentic self and lead my gay life. I finally decided it was time to pick up the pieces.   

It was when then I reconciled with my mom and I can say we have a great relationship. I applied for a NYCHA apartment in the meantime. I then met my second lover and had gotten a job as a process server. We had moved in together and had a great relationship that lasted for four years, but we both knew we were better off as friends. His brother and I decided to start a home improvement business.  

After that ended, I fell back into a deep depression but things quickly turned around. While I was in therapy my psychiatrist guided me in the right direction. I eventually got my apartment at NYCHA and landed an interview with Alliance for Positive Change in 2006.   

My life was finally turning around for the better. I got accepted to Alliance’s Peer Recovery Education Program (PREP) and became a Peer not long after that. Alliance helped me put my life back on track and allows me to share my story of hope with my clients. Even though I have no regrets, it allowed me to learn from my experiences and made me the person I am today

Role Model Stories: Annias M.

I am a 57 year old black gay male living with HIV. When I was 25 years old my mother passed away. When that happened it put me into a deep dark depression.

I was also infected unknowingly with HIV after my partner told me I should be tested after he was told by a prior partner that he was positive. At the end of the day I think he already knew that he was positive and never cared to share with me after we had intercourse.

At first my test came back inclusive. So I tested again 3 months later and the results were Positive, and that ended the relationship.

I have always dabbled with cocaine but wasn’t introduced to crack cocaine until I met someone new. This relationship was toxic for me mentally and physically but I never fought back because I would have wound up in jail for murder. The last straw in the relationship happened when he burned my face with a hot iron.

I wanted help so I went to Bronx Lebanon Hospital and was transferred into this program in Alabama called Self Discovery. The 30 days I was there it felt like paradise. Being treated with kindness and passion. 

After a couple of weeks in the program we were even allowed to go out and attend other NA meetings. I didn’t want to leave but I knew I my life was back home in New York. 

It wasn’t too long before I got back home and I repeated the same behavior. I spiraled out of control. I called my cousins to come rescue me. I couldn’t bear to live like this anymore. I relapsed once more but this time I was sick of being sick and tired.

During my relapses I realized I never fought my real demon. Something I have never told anyone. I was molested at the age of 16. Once I was able to admit it and say it out loud that demon was defeated and the next one was my addiction. I was able to beat that as well and finally able to live a happy healthy life.

I graduated from the Arrive Program and in 2010 one of my friends introduced me to ASCNYC which is now Alliance for Positive Change. I enrolled in the HOPE Program and soon after that I became a Peer and then within 2 years at Alliance I was offered an opportunity to become a senior peer liaison.

Role Model Stories: Michael R.

I am 40 year old gay man living with HIV. When I was 25 I was in a committed relationship. What I remember was that we always liked to frequent the bars and clubs.

One particular night when my boyfriend had gone to the bathroom, a guy came up to me and whispered “please be careful with him because he is HIV+” and walked away. I confronted my boyfriend when he returned. He told me not to pay him any mind and that they had a falling out.

Six months went by and all was well, until he told me he wasn’t feeling well and took a trip to the doctors. It was there that his doctor recommended he get tested for HIV. A week went by and the doctor called him to come in to his office for the results. The results came back positive and he told me that I should get tested as well. I took his advice and the results were negative but the doctor advised me to come back three months later.

I decided to stay with my boyfriend to be supportive and make sure he took care of himself. After all, we were in a loving supportive relationship. After three months, I went to get retested. This time my result came back positive. I was confused and scared, but denial took those both over. At the time, my doctor advised me to not take medications for HIV.

After being there for my boyfriend while he has going through his own diagnosis, I found out during the relationship that I wasn’t the only one who he was intimate with. So it was in our best interest to part ways. It was hard for me because I was still in denial about my diagnosis.

Two years went by and it was time to take medication. It was not an easy road, as I was not good with being adherent to medication. Adherent issues made me resistant to my medication. After that I decided to be serious with my medication because I did not want to be defeated.

My doctor advised me to get case management to help me navigate my diagnosis. My care team gave me adherence tips and accompanied me to the doctor. That helped me a lot, and gave me hope and a new lease on life.

My case worker suggested that I check out Alliance for Positive Change to go for social support. It was there I met other HIV+ individuals and finally felt like myself again. While I was there I was told about their Peer program and an upcoming training called PREP (Peer Recovery Education Program).

PREP was an intensive 8 week training that allowed me to prepare myself to become a Peer educator and advocate for my community. I interviewed to be in cycle 50 and graduated in 2018.

After I graduated, Alliance hired me to work as a Peer for Health Homes case management. The advice my case worker gave me to come to Alliance was a blessing. I was able to come terms with my diagnosis and now I help others as well.​

Role Model Stories: Kevin H.

I am a 50-year-old gay male living with HIV for 30 years. I want to share my journey of positive change with you.

I was 16 when I started to have wet dreams about other men. That is how I knew I had feelings for men at that time. Even though I had feelings, I was not sure. I was working as a cashier at a grocery store when a handsome young man approached me. He was looking for something and I helped him. He started a conversation and started asking me personal questions. At first, I was nervous but we exchanged numbers so he called me the next day and we talked about everything except sex.

We decided to hang out. The first time we hung out together we went to the movies and all he talked about was his girlfriend but I knew in my mind he wanted to talk about other things. I asked him what it was about me that he liked and why he wanted to be my friend. He said that I was good looking and it seemed like I had a good heart.

After the date, we did not speak for about two weeks. As time went by, he called and asked me to come hang out at his parents’ house, because we would have some privacy.

I arrived and we smoked weed and drank alcohol. Later on, we started to wrestle. We both started to get aroused. He then proceeded to take my pants off and gave me a blowjob. It felt good but I was nervous. I asked him nicely to stop. I realized the time and told him I had to go home.

About a month or two went by and he started to visit me at my High School. He surprised me with pizza at lunchtime and told me to give him a call because he wanted to hang out again. That made me feel happy, and I was impressed that he wanted to continue to see me. I enjoyed the sexual encounter so I decided to meet him again. This time we went all the way but unfortunately, his mother caught us, and she made me leave.

We did not speak for a very long time. Then we hung out a couple of more times and we then parted ways after I found out he was getting married to a girl.

After that relationship, I started to branch out more and head into New York City because I heard it was gay friendly. I met a person there and he showed me the ropes. We frequented the parks, the peep shows and gay clubs. The unprotected sex I was having I enjoyed. It made me feel free. I enjoyed it so much that I could not get enough of it. I felt I was spiraling out of control but it didn’t faze me because I was having the time of my life.

A couple of weeks later my friend called me up and told me I needed to be screened for STDs. It turned out that I did not have any STDs.

Time went by and I started not to feel so well. I decided to get checked at the hospital. That is when I found out I was HIV positive. I was shocked and I was in denial for a very long time. I started to feel worse and decided to start taking medication to help. It took a couple of years for the medicine to work. I felt like I was going on a downward spiral.

I wanted to grow old. I knew I needed to make some changes right away. After I started to feel better, I moved to New York City and found programs to help people with HIV. I enrolled in some programs and was happy to find out I was not alone. I got help from total strangers that made me want to give back and do the same.

I found Alliance for Positive Change. I enrolled as a program participant and took advantage of the services that they had to offer. It was there I became a Peer intern and was finally able to help others who are HIV positive like myself.

Role Model Stories: Anthony R.

I am a 50-year-old gay man living with HIV for the past 10 years. I want to share my story of positive change with you. I hope this story inspires positive change for individuals like me who suffer or who suffered from sex and drug addiction.

I was in High School exploring my sexuality. I met a guy in one of my classes. We started to spend time together out of school and discovered we had some things in common. One weekend he asked me to spend the night at his house. That evening changed my life forever and I would say made me the person I am today.

That night was the first time I ever locked lips with another man. As we kissed, I could tell that it was the right decision as I felt electricity go through my body. The relationship lasted until college until he went away and we decided to part ways. I was heartbroken. One thing was for sure: the rest of my life I would be in same sex relationships.

While I was in college, I continued to explore my sexuality with other men. I also had a job that allowed me to be more social. At that point, I still kept my secret from my family, as I was not ready to come out to anyone that I did not need to. A couple months into college my family started to question my sexuality. It was then that I decided it was better late than never and disclosed my sexuality.

I felt free but the results of me coming out damaged my relationship with my family. It was then that I ventured out and began living as a gay man in the city. I was not ready for what was in store for me. I started to frequent the piers down by Christopher Street. I heard how it was the birthplace of the gay rights movement. It was there where I felt my true self and unafraid. I met some more men and freely had sex in the open, as it was the gay place to be.

It was also there that I became a substance user. After all, from what I heard, all gay men had anonymous sex, did drugs, and danced until the early morning hours. This all seemed like heaven.

Being free and being me, but at times, I felt untouchable: like no one or any disease would rain on my parade.

In the summer of 2012, I became very ill. Everything started to catch up to me. I lost my job due to performance, my frequent lateness and calling out. I started collecting unemployment and then 2 weeks after that I went to the doctor, where I was given a diagnosis of AIDS.

My world caved in on me. I was heartbroken because I did not know if there was a future for me. I thought to myself, “what choice do I have?” If I die I won’t be able to watch all my nieces and nephews grow up. Even with all the partying, I always made sure that I was a part of their life. We had a special bond.

It was a long and hard recovery for me, but I never gave up. About three years in and out of hospitals, I was finally ready to be part of the real world again. In 2015, I found a community based organization called Alliance for Positive Change. There I learned everything I needed to know to live a long happy life as a gay man living with HIV. I enrolled in the Peer Recovery Education Program, where I was able to train as a Peer intern at the agency. At the end of the 8-week program, I graduated with top honors as a testimonial speaker and spoke about how the program changed my life. It allowed me to begin doing that for others.

My life seemed to get back on track and I continued to grow as a positive role model for other HIV individuals. In the 6 years I was at Alliance, I was on the cover of POZ Magazine sharing my story of the ups and downs of my life. I started to take classes to receive my certification in a new initiative in NYS called ending the epidemic (ETE) by 2020. It helped me share my lived experience living with HIV.

I am proud to say I was part of the first graduating class and became a Certified Peer Worker (CPW). I continued my education by receiving my Certified Peer Recovery Advocate (CPRA) which allows me to work with people that have a substance use disorder. I help them make a plan to reduce risks of hurting themselves or others.

I can say after over six years at Alliance for Positive Change I took all the tools given to me and used them to create a positive change for me and for each person I encounter. I could not be happier for the choice I made to live.