Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
My name is Kayshawn. I’m 36. I’m a native New Yorker, originally from Flatbush, Brooklyn. It’s been seven years since I stopped using drugs.
Before we get a little deeper into your story and your perspective, what are your hobbies?
I like to spend time with family and close friends that are good to me. I’m an introvert. I like walks, anime, music, writing in my journal, sitting in the park. Tompkins Square Park, Washington Square, and Union Square are beautiful, or just sitting by the river, it can be very peaceful.
I am part of the CHOICES program even though I don’t take Suboxone. I’m in therapy with Dr. Jeffery, usually once a month.
Can you tell us about your history with substances and what brought you here?
Cocaine is the drug I was using the most. I’m an introvert, and cocaine was what I used to be around people. But shaking that was like going back into my shell. I no longer had my mask, and it was really scary.
I was kind of a pushover. I let people do stuff to me. And I tended to stay and let people around me because I was lonely.
The breaking point was when I realized a lot of my friendships and relationships were toxic for me. I had to learn to take things at face value and not to excuse people’s bad behavior.
What were your triggers when you were using?
Arguments, depression, being disappointed. Emotional anguish. Being in large groups of people.
I’ve been sober for 7 years. I often think about how far I’ve come, and I know going backwards will make so many people disappointed in me, but I do have lots of moments when I have urges.
What are some challenges that make you feel those “urges”?
My current living situation. The last few months, I haven’t had a place of my own, I’ve been staying with a friend. It’s not optimal. I’ve basically been putting my life together since moving back to New York in March. I moved to Ft. Lauterdale to be with my daughter and her mother.
Florida wasn’t good for me mentally, or emotionally. The relationship with my daughter’s mother was one of those where I let someone take advantage of me. I lost 50 pounds there. She started mistreating me in all sorts of ways. She had the authorities evict me from a place that had my name on the lease.
I was working at Target and had just lost my job.
Are you working now, back in New York?
Just gigs here and there. I’ve been walking people’s dogs. I get snap benefits, something Alliance helped me with.
How did you find Alliance for Positive Change, and when?
In 2017, when I was on the verge of stopping my drug use. I had heard about you from a participant who I knew from another meeting, she told me to come to this group at Alliance. I really enjoyed the group. I didn’t need sterile syringes for long, since I did stop using. But since then I’ve just been coming to the groups.
What services do you access here?
All services. I attend the Medication-assisted treatment (Suboxone) group Mondays. I do the Tuesday Men’s Group. Wednesday is the education and health workshop run by Ryan and VOCAL about knowing your rights. Basically five days a week. It’s all been equally useful. I’ve learned how to handle my own reactions to people, different interactions, dealing with different personalities.
I have an Alliance case manager who helped me get back on SNAP benefits, and the big thing is I’m applying for PREP Cycle 63, starting in mid-September. I met with Ms. Joyce. I’ve been through a lot in life, and I’d like to become a CASAC or drug counselor.
It seems like you’d be very good at that
I’ve had a lot of lived experience. It’s not hard being around people who are actively using drugs than other people. They’re more truthful and honest than a lot of people who are sober. People who don’t use--they find ways to nullify the things they go through. Somebody who uses is a little bit more open, because they think their story can help someone avoid their mistakes.
What is your philosophy in life?
In due time, people will see the progress you’ve made, and see everything differently. For a while, my mom didn’t believe me when I said I was really dedicated to improving my life, but she’s seen me calm down, get in better shape, she’s seen me do everything in my control. That’s one of the most important relationships in my life. My mom, and my children.