Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Yes. My name is Gertrude F. I’m turning 77 tomorrow. I was mostly raised in Alabama, but have been in New York most of my adult life. I have a life-long love of learning, and I’m still trying to get certifications.
You’ve done a lot of interesting things in your career, haven’t you?
Oh yes. I worked for the New York Transit Authority for many years. And recently, I’ve worked with kids in schools, in the Syracuse area. I have had problems with alcohol since I was 15 years old, but I was “functional” and could hold down a job. I worked my butt off, so if I came in to work late because I was drunk, I’d work all night, and then keep drinking.
How did you know drinking was a problem for you, and not just something you liked to do?
Because I needed it. When I wasn’t drinking, I craved it all the time.
And you’re in recovery now?
Yes. I’ve been in recovery lots of times. So many times. And the longer I lasted, the better I felt. Even when I’d relapse, I learned something from that particular time being sober. I’ve been hard on myself when I’ve relapsed, but I do think I’ve learned from every experience.
Is there a specific time you want to tell us about?
I think one of the biggest insights I’ve gained was in 1991, when I went to an alcohol treatment facility in Schenectady for 90 days. I got out, came back to Red Hook, where my sisters lived, and even though they never pressured me to drink, being around other people there I used to drink with was a trigger. I drank, did some drugs, and then immediately felt horrible and got on a bus to check myself back in at Schenectady. I realized that you can change your habits but as soon as you put yourself back in a familiar place or situation where you used to drink, that’s a big risk.
Another time, I was living at a facility for people with alcoholism in upstate New York, and was hired to be the “House Mother” supporting everyone else. I’ve always liked being busy, and being in shared housing with other people who are looking for structure. That was great. I was sober for over a year, but then the house was closed, and after I moved and didn’t have that structure I relapsed.
So that's a part of why you’ve mostly lived away from New York the past 30 years?
Kind of. I also found really meaningful work upstate, like the House Mother work.
And in the past few years, I was part of a “foster grandparent” program in the Syracuse public schools, where you work with kids who need a little extra love and support. The school teachers involved liked my participation, and last March, I got a Certificate of Recognition from the school district for my work with the kids, that I’m very proud of.
The teacher whose class I was assigned to was always encouraging me. That’s why I selected a photo of the two of us for this interview.
And that was right before your moved back to NYC?
Right, last Spring. I was matched with a Care Manager from Alliance for Positive Change, Zoilimar, who helped me get permanent housing at your supportive housing facility in PeIham.
You’re accessing a lot of Alliance services, huh?
Yes. I go for group therapy at Alliance CASA Washington Heights or Pelham every day except Thursday, but I go to a women’s group at a NewYork-Presbyterian hospital. I like to stay busy and engaged.
I also recently joined the Creative Writing Workshop, and was published in the new edition of Situations. I included a poem “An Ode to the Virus” that I wrote shortly after I was diagnosed with HIV in 1991.
Are you also taking medication to help your alcohol dependence?
Yes, only since I started at Alliance. For years, I needed some mental health counseling, but I was in denial about also probably needing prescription medication, but I kind of overcame that denial. I’m currently taking Vivitrol, which is a once a month treatment.
Do you have any advice for someone else who has tried many times to get and stay sober?
IT IS POSSIBLE! Even if you don’t get it right the first time or first year, but keep trying. I tried it many times and I know that the longer I lasted, the better I felt. Try to learn from your experiences, like I did. My heart’s desire is that something in my story encourages someone to give themselves a chance. The disease is insidious. You can’t change just one thing and think that will fix everything. You have to adjust and readjust, but it’s workable.
Now that alcohol is not a part of your life, what are your goals?
I want to get healthy. I’ve had a lot of health problems, and want to take care of those. I also want to get my college degree—I have 90 credits and I want to graduate. I loved school all my life.