Role Model Stories: Kevin H.

I am a 50-year-old gay male living with HIV for 30 years. I want to share my journey of positive change with you.

I was 16 when I started to have wet dreams about other men. That is how I knew I had feelings for men at that time. Even though I had feelings, I was not sure. I was working as a cashier at a grocery store when a handsome young man approached me. He was looking for something and I helped him. He started a conversation and started asking me personal questions. At first, I was nervous but we exchanged numbers so he called me the next day and we talked about everything except sex.

We decided to hang out. The first time we hung out together we went to the movies and all he talked about was his girlfriend but I knew in my mind he wanted to talk about other things. I asked him what it was about me that he liked and why he wanted to be my friend. He said that I was good looking and it seemed like I had a good heart.

After the date, we did not speak for about two weeks. As time went by, he called and asked me to come hang out at his parents’ house, because we would have some privacy.

I arrived and we smoked weed and drank alcohol. Later on, we started to wrestle. We both started to get aroused. He then proceeded to take my pants off and gave me a blowjob. It felt good but I was nervous. I asked him nicely to stop. I realized the time and told him I had to go home.

About a month or two went by and he started to visit me at my High School. He surprised me with pizza at lunchtime and told me to give him a call because he wanted to hang out again. That made me feel happy, and I was impressed that he wanted to continue to see me. I enjoyed the sexual encounter so I decided to meet him again. This time we went all the way but unfortunately, his mother caught us, and she made me leave.

We did not speak for a very long time. Then we hung out a couple of more times and we then parted ways after I found out he was getting married to a girl.

After that relationship, I started to branch out more and head into New York City because I heard it was gay friendly. I met a person there and he showed me the ropes. We frequented the parks, the peep shows and gay clubs. The unprotected sex I was having I enjoyed. It made me feel free. I enjoyed it so much that I could not get enough of it. I felt I was spiraling out of control but it didn’t faze me because I was having the time of my life.

A couple of weeks later my friend called me up and told me I needed to be screened for STDs. It turned out that I did not have any STDs.

Time went by and I started not to feel so well. I decided to get checked at the hospital. That is when I found out I was HIV positive. I was shocked and I was in denial for a very long time. I started to feel worse and decided to start taking medication to help. It took a couple of years for the medicine to work. I felt like I was going on a downward spiral.

I wanted to grow old. I knew I needed to make some changes right away. After I started to feel better, I moved to New York City and found programs to help people with HIV. I enrolled in some programs and was happy to find out I was not alone. I got help from total strangers that made me want to give back and do the same.

I found Alliance for Positive Change. I enrolled as a program participant and took advantage of the services that they had to offer. It was there I became a Peer intern and was finally able to help others who are HIV positive like myself.

Role Model Stories: Anthony R.

I am a 50-year-old gay man living with HIV for the past 10 years. I want to share my story of positive change with you. I hope this story inspires positive change for individuals like me who suffer or who suffered from sex and drug addiction.

I was in High School exploring my sexuality. I met a guy in one of my classes. We started to spend time together out of school and discovered we had some things in common. One weekend he asked me to spend the night at his house. That evening changed my life forever and I would say made me the person I am today.

That night was the first time I ever locked lips with another man. As we kissed, I could tell that it was the right decision as I felt electricity go through my body. The relationship lasted until college until he went away and we decided to part ways. I was heartbroken. One thing was for sure: the rest of my life I would be in same sex relationships.

While I was in college, I continued to explore my sexuality with other men. I also had a job that allowed me to be more social. At that point, I still kept my secret from my family, as I was not ready to come out to anyone that I did not need to. A couple months into college my family started to question my sexuality. It was then that I decided it was better late than never and disclosed my sexuality.

I felt free but the results of me coming out damaged my relationship with my family. It was then that I ventured out and began living as a gay man in the city. I was not ready for what was in store for me. I started to frequent the piers down by Christopher Street. I heard how it was the birthplace of the gay rights movement. It was there where I felt my true self and unafraid. I met some more men and freely had sex in the open, as it was the gay place to be.

It was also there that I became a substance user. After all, from what I heard, all gay men had anonymous sex, did drugs, and danced until the early morning hours. This all seemed like heaven.

Being free and being me, but at times, I felt untouchable: like no one or any disease would rain on my parade.

In the summer of 2012, I became very ill. Everything started to catch up to me. I lost my job due to performance, my frequent lateness and calling out. I started collecting unemployment and then 2 weeks after that I went to the doctor, where I was given a diagnosis of AIDS.

My world caved in on me. I was heartbroken because I did not know if there was a future for me. I thought to myself, “what choice do I have?” If I die I won’t be able to watch all my nieces and nephews grow up. Even with all the partying, I always made sure that I was a part of their life. We had a special bond.

It was a long and hard recovery for me, but I never gave up. About three years in and out of hospitals, I was finally ready to be part of the real world again. In 2015, I found a community based organization called Alliance for Positive Change. There I learned everything I needed to know to live a long happy life as a gay man living with HIV. I enrolled in the Peer Recovery Education Program, where I was able to train as a Peer intern at the agency. At the end of the 8-week program, I graduated with top honors as a testimonial speaker and spoke about how the program changed my life. It allowed me to begin doing that for others.

My life seemed to get back on track and I continued to grow as a positive role model for other HIV individuals. In the 6 years I was at Alliance, I was on the cover of POZ Magazine sharing my story of the ups and downs of my life. I started to take classes to receive my certification in a new initiative in NYS called ending the epidemic (ETE) by 2020. It helped me share my lived experience living with HIV.

I am proud to say I was part of the first graduating class and became a Certified Peer Worker (CPW). I continued my education by receiving my Certified Peer Recovery Advocate (CPRA) which allows me to work with people that have a substance use disorder. I help them make a plan to reduce risks of hurting themselves or others.

I can say after over six years at Alliance for Positive Change I took all the tools given to me and used them to create a positive change for me and for each person I encounter. I could not be happier for the choice I made to live.

The Power of Peers with SelectHealth

“Our jobs may be different now, but our goal is the same: to help members live healthier and better lives.” Check out this video made in collaboration with SelectHealth for the End the Epidemic Summit 2020, featuring Alliance staff member Peter Soter and Peer Navigator Daniel Edmund. They beautifully illustrate the importance of Peers and outreach, especially during the pandemic.

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Alliance on the Move Featured on Spectrum News NY1 and CBS 2 NY During World AIDS Day

Alliance on the Move provides thousands of free and confidential HIV and HCV tests to New Yorkers every year. On World AIDS Day, Spectrum News 1 and CBS 2 NY reported on their outreach and community conversations in Harlem. You can watch the Spectrum News 1 segment here, and the two unique CBS 2 NY segments here and here.

Verywell Health's HIV Series Features the Personal Stories of Alliance Team Members

The medically-reviewed Verywell Health team collaborated with Alliance for Positive Change to create “Health Divide: HIV” to share facts, social impact and socio-economic analyses of HIV. The series features intimate profile stories of Ismael Ruiz, Lillian Anglada (for whom our Luis and Lillian Outreach Center is named) and Nicky Bravo. Read their moving stories for a better sense of the people behind the diagnosis. Thank you, Nicky, Lillian, and Ismael.

Alliance's CEO and Executive Director Sharen Duke Named to PoliticsNY's Power Players in Health Care List

Our Executive Director & CEO Sharen Duke, who has shepherded our work since our founding, was recognized as a Power Player in Health Care by PoliticsNY. This recognition is a reflection not only of her leadership but of the amazing Alliance staff and Peers who have supported literally hundreds of thousands of New Yorkers’ on their path to positive change over the past 30 years.

Alliance Training Coordinator Diane Delph-Tinglin's Featured in Queens Ledger

Diane Delph-Tinglin is a fixture at Alliance for Positive Change, leading Peer trainings, helping the organization raise funds for amazing job placement programs, and offering support to everyone who walks through our doors. On World AIDS Day, she shared he story of being diagnosed with HIV in 2009, and how the diagnosis mobilized her to do amazing work for HIV positive, and negative, New Yorkers. Read the story on Diane here.

Alliance's Bernice Cowell on WBAI 99.5 FM New York's Driving Forces Thanksgiving Show

On Thanksgiving Day, Alliance's Bernice Cowell gave a great interview with Driving Forces about celebrating an emotional Thanksgiving – her first in a real home, with her children – thanks to resources she found at Alliance. Bernice's interview can be heard here.

Honoring Transgender Awareness Week: Spotlight on Alliance’s Lexii Foxx

“I’ve been doing prevention training since way before I knew it was called that,” says Lexii Foxx, a Peer intern with Alliance for Positive Change. Lexii credits her intersectionality and personal journey with making her a strong ally for New Yorkers in need.

“Sometimes it’s just really hard for transwomen to feel they’re being understood. I’m black, queer, and trans, so that’s a lot of intersectionality,” Lexii says. Her identity makes her an authentic voice as she provides help to a plethora of New Yorkers. At Alliance, Lexii works with almost 30 people a week, while also helping co-facilitate women’s groups at Alliance.

Growing up in a conservative town in North Carolina, Lexii notes, “My family loved me, but was literally embarrassed to have me be around at family events.”

She knew she was a woman from a young age. She dropped out of high school to live in a small house with dozens of friends she met at a drag show. They called themselves the “Chanelles/Thug Misses,” and worked as escorts for survival.

Lexii lived in dozens of states in her teens and twenties, working as a model and a sex worker, all while teaching her friends about safer sex.

Transgender Awareness Week is a week when transgender people and their allies take action to bring attention to the community by educating the public about who transgender people are, sharing their stories and experiences, and advancing advocacy around the issues of prejudice, discrimination, and violence that affect the transgender community. For Lexii, this means “educating children on who LGBTQ+ people are, and breaking that generational stigma.”

“I believe you have to start at the root, which is our kids, and help young trans kids out, make them confident in their true selves. And if they want to transition young, make it easier for them.”

It also means decriminalizing sex work, which makes transgender women disproportionate targets of violence. 2021 is already the deadliest year on record for transgender people in America, with 45 reported murders, according to the Human Rights Campaign, disproportionately amongst Black and Latinx people.

Decriminalizing sex work is also a barrier to services. “Being a sex worker helped me reach out to other sex workers, helping them get tested, use condoms, and get access to counseling,” Lexii says.

Lexii was involved in helping people before she joined Alliance, but says that “Alliance is the best thing that has happened for me. I feel like I am a confident woman walking out the door to start every day because of Alliance.”

Lexii started working with Alliance when she was referred from the Peer program.

Lexii Foxx

“She’s amazing, and she’s going to do amazing work,” says Malika Minott, Prevention Assistant Manager at Alliance, and also a graduate of Alliance’s PATH to Jobs peer-training program. “Lexii opened herself up to our work and participated in workshops, trainings, and now, she does wellness checks, reminder calls, therapeutic check-ins, and really invests in people’s lives as a Peer.”

Working for leaders like Malika at Alliance has fueled and refreshed Lexii, and allowed her to be a shining star and public health educator. “I’ve noticed that everyone at Alliance goes the extra mile for their clients,” Lexii says. “I feel like I’ve found family here.”

Transgender awareness is essential to Lexii because people who don’t know openly trans people “are afraid of us, or have a stigma against us due to negative media, TV shows, and movies that make a mockery of us. The fact is, we are human and we deserve to coexist in life.”

To Lexii, it’s not just on members of the LGBTQ+ community to support transgender people. “Cisgender people who have platforms should offer them to us and help with job readiness. Help us have the same opportunities as anyone else,” she says.

Transgender Awareness Week takes place from November 13-19, leading up to the Transgender Day of Remembrance on November 20, a day to memorialize those who have been killed as a result of transphobia. Please join Alliance in our efforts to support and honor those lost on this day and throughout the year.